Anita of Vernhail's Journal

Ah, Sir Harry, wasn't it? Or Harold, perhaps, I've lost track ... would it be rude of me to ask how the travel progress is? I believe so many people leaving the city has me anxious that my family will miss many of their friends, before they arrive...

Oh, it's just so wonderful here, day after day. I think that, were I not the sort to enjoy these celebrations, I would be entirely exhausted by now ... but even if my feet ache terribly at the end of every day, it's a good ache. I suppose some people might find the days repetitive, but every day is just as glorious as the last, to me ... I somewhat hope that the celebration never ends. I had never thought that I would enjoy something so significant in my life...

I hope everyone is enjoying themselves as much as I am, truly. It would be terrible not to enjoy the celebrations at all...

Current Mood: content

[Filter: Private]

There's so much to be done before they arrive ... I'm sure Lord Nicolas will help me, but, oh. I'll need to have all of my finest gowns ready, and I should write a letter to them saying how thrilled I am that we'll be seeing one another ... I suppose it wouldn't arrive before they left, but oh, all the same.

Oh, Diary, I'm so excited. I have missed them all so, and it has been so long ... I fear that we won't recognize each other when they arrive. I'm certain that's just a silly fright to have, but regardless ... Oh, Diary, I don't even know where to start! I truly need to calm myself down, first of all, but ...

Current Mood: excited

Ah, I truly don't think I'll ever grow tired of the festivities ...

I, ah, received a letter, as well, and my family should be here by the end of June, I believe ... ! It's been so long since I've seen them. I wonder if they'll recognize me at all, with how much I've grown ... how much more of a lady I am. I'm eighteen, now, after all ... It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I was just a girl at home in the library. Time is such a strange thing ... I wonder if all girls feel this way, when they become women?

Current Mood: thoughtful

Ah, we're almost there, Lord Nicolas, Lady Mariana! The driver said that it should be within the next day or so ... it's been truly interesting, to see how much more crowded the roads have gotten, the closer we've come to Eblar. I can't wait, to see how everything looks in the city ...

Oh, and, ah, again, thank you so much for the help with the music, last time, everyone. It was very helpful.

Current Mood: excited

[there is a jumble of music notes here that form a melody, but have no indication of tempo or time signature, just a music staff and some notes.]

... I thought this was how Fairy Land went, but ... I really can't remember. Oh, I wish I'd brought the music along, but I suppose I'll do all right without it ... I wish I could play it from memory, though, for all the children. It is still my favorite ...

Current Mood: bored

Ah, I learned a new song, in the past few weeks, I'm looking forward to having plenty of time to practice it ... Does anyone else know the story of the Snow Princess, and her search for a prince to save her and take her away? I don't know all of the song, yet, it gets so complicated in the middle, but ... ah, well, I'm fond of it. I think it's originally a Korin story, but I might be wrong ...

Ah, everything is so busy here. There's so much to do ...

Ah, I had a thought, for the question ... it's still very much winter here, in Conare, though I think I can feel spring approaching, slowly ... simply taking its time, I suppose ... and, you see, spring is my favorite season, when everything comes back to life again ...

So, I thought ... I thought it would be nice for everyone to share their favorites, and perhaps why ...? It's a bit of a silly question, I know...

[Filter: Lord Nicolas]

Ah, happy Rose Day, my lord ...

Current Mood: hopeful

Oh ... I was trying to think of a song to play for Eara, but I just can't seem to get the notes right ... I don't know what's wrong with me. My head is just so scattered lately ... I know I can do better than this, but it's so hard to concentrate...

Current Mood: worried

[Filter: Private]

What if he's hurt, Diary ... or even worse? What if they've maimed him, or killed him, Diary? Oh. If Lord Hasten is in danger then it must be a dire situation. Anything could have happened, Diary. Anything.

It's so much easier to tell the others that it's going to be all right ... when I don't know myself, Diary. I hope it is, but ...

Current Mood: scared

[Filter: Private]

Should I perhaps write to Lord Nicolas? He's probably so busy, but I don't want him to think that I have forgotten him ... but would he be upset at the interruption? I -- perhaps I'm overthinking this? In any case, I suppose it can wait ...

But, Diary, what if he is waiting for me to write? What if he thinks I've forgotten him, or that I've grown bored ... What should I do, Diary? I truly don't know what to say, or if I should say anything ...

Perhaps I should just let him know how Eara is doing? Surely he could not resent that ...

Current Mood: perplexed :(

[Filter: Myself]

It's not fair at all, Diary. I'm not a little girl anymore, but I feel like I'm being treated as a child. A ... child. Lord Nicolas still won't tell me anything, and he spends all his time with Lady Eliza and Lady Mariana. It's hardly ...

I'm not a little girl, Diary. Why won't he tell me? Is he still angry?

Lady Eliza and Lady Mariana surely know, but they won't tell me ... even if I asked, I know they wouldn't. How -- it's simply not fair. Not at all.

Current Mood: jealous

[Filter: Myself]

Nobody knows, Diary ... or no one will tell me. I truly don't know which it is ... Some of the people I have asked truly seem to be unsure of anything, but some of them avoid my eyes, and Lord Nicolas hasn't said a thing since I last asked him. And diary, I don't understand ... there should be nothing he wishes to hide from me, is that not so?

Perhaps I've done something wrong, Diary ... perhaps he's cross with me. I would think he would say so, but perhaps I did something truly terrible, and even though he's been kind, he still won't tell me ... perhaps I offended him terribly, somehow. I don't understand.

I could ask Lady Eliza, or Lady Mariana, perhaps ... I doubt they will know, either, Diary, but it cannot hurt, can it?

[Filter: Lady Eliza and Lady Mariana]

Ah, I know this may seem ... a little strange, my ladies ... this is Anita of Vernhail, if you had ... had forgotten.

I had something I hoped to ask either, or both of you ... ?

Current Mood: worried

[Filter: Myself?]

I, ah, believe this is how it's done ... I've seen others written similarly to this, but, ah. If there is anyone ...?

[pause]

I -- good, then.

It simply doesn't make sense, diary. Lord Nicolas has never turned me down before, unless he had matters of state to deal with, and while Lady Eliza is quite important, they've seemed nothing if not casual with one another. And yet ...

I truly don't understand. No one seems to know what Lord Nicolas has arranged for that nihgt, and he says that it's simply personal affairs, but diary, I feel as though I'm being left out of something ...

Current Mood: lonely

Lord Hasten and Lord Nicolas both look so gallant when they spar. I know it's silly, but I do like watching them practice ... I believe Eara does as well, though I may be mistaken. I so enjoy watching the matches with her .. she is truly such a lovely child. I can only hope I was half as sweet as she is, when I was her age.

I imagine some people aren't interested in what I have to write, about my days as they go by, but there are so many others that write similarly, I can see no harm in it...

Current Mood: calm

It is such a shame to see the crowds depart from Conare. I hope everyone enjoyed the faire as much as I did ... though I cannot imagine how anyone could not.

I suppose I will have to make a habit of using these books, instead. I'm still not quite used to them ... they're so strange to me, still. I suppose familiarity will come with time, as it does with all things.

Current Mood: sad

I feel I still cannot apologize enough for my horrid manners, Lady Caroline ... I do hope you forgive my oversight, truly. It was silly of me to think such things at all, much less give them voice, and I do hope we can still be friends. I know I have said it before ... but it cannot be said too often, can it?

I do wish the tourney never had to end. It has been so wonderful. Lord Hasten is even better than I had expected, for certain ...

It's truly not fair, Diary. She's courting Lord Tarmon, and everyone knows it to be true. And yet she ... throws herself at Lord Nicolas like a common urchin. He can't possibly find such things appealing, Diary, but he is too much of a ... gentleman to turn her away, so he humors her. He must be inwardly disgusted, truly. Any man in his place would be, I am sure.

Truly, if this is how she has acted at Emeron, I pity all her company.

The faire is grand, though ... oh, and wonderful. Tomorrow I will wear the dress that Lord Nicolas gave me for the past festival. I do hope he will like it. Perhaps I shall wear some ribbons in my hair, to match. I have been wearing all of my favorites, but the dress he gave me is my most favorite of all, Diary.

Current Mood: cranky

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